What if..
What if?
It's just simple question we asked to ourselves but still at the end of the day we don't have a definite answer. The question I hate and love at the same time.
As I ask my self what if? I feel nothing but regret with my past decisions. But still, as I close my heavy lids under the light of the moon I can't help myself asking the famous question, WHAT IF? The question that although makes me feel regret my past, also gives me the freedom to think an alternative ending, a false hope, a fairytale in reality of life.
As I lay down my back on a soft fabric, question pops out, what if?
What if I knew that day, that you will leave us?
What if we are privilege to pay for another day of your life?
What if we hold on and fight for you one more hour, minute or second?
What if we saw some strange signs that you will comeback?
What if you didn't close your eyes?
What if it was just an ordinary day? Will you still passed away?
Every day as I look in the thin air I silently wish that maybe your eyes will mirror through the people I encounter.
Every night as I pause in my life there's hope that I'm gonna see you walking in the front door.
When silence embrace the cold wind I see you standing in the kitchen washing all the plates.
I see you in dining area eating with your bare hands with your favorite fruits.
I see you sleeping on our bed but never in a million way I see you not waking up.
If only I am a child, I'll think you are just in a far away land.
You are just having the best vacation.
You will come back to us and so we can hug you, talk to you, and be with you again.
But this is not a dream, this is reality.
The truth is you are gone and will never come back again. You are not in a vacation.
And the only possible way we see each other again is when I close my eyes and never open it again.
What if I see you in that place they call paradise, will you recognise me?
Will you still look at me the way you used to?
Will you look like the way I remember you?
Will you touch me?
Will you hug me?
Will you still remember me as your daughter?
Will I have you as my mother again?
What if I have a chance to be with you for another day, How will it go?
I don't have answers to these questions.
But my favorite part among all these what ifs is YOU, my mother.
It's just simple question we asked to ourselves but still at the end of the day we don't have a definite answer. The question I hate and love at the same time.
As I ask my self what if? I feel nothing but regret with my past decisions. But still, as I close my heavy lids under the light of the moon I can't help myself asking the famous question, WHAT IF? The question that although makes me feel regret my past, also gives me the freedom to think an alternative ending, a false hope, a fairytale in reality of life.
As I lay down my back on a soft fabric, question pops out, what if?
What if I knew that day, that you will leave us?
What if we are privilege to pay for another day of your life?
What if we hold on and fight for you one more hour, minute or second?
What if we saw some strange signs that you will comeback?
What if you didn't close your eyes?
What if it was just an ordinary day? Will you still passed away?
Every day as I look in the thin air I silently wish that maybe your eyes will mirror through the people I encounter.
Every night as I pause in my life there's hope that I'm gonna see you walking in the front door.
When silence embrace the cold wind I see you standing in the kitchen washing all the plates.
I see you in dining area eating with your bare hands with your favorite fruits.
I see you sleeping on our bed but never in a million way I see you not waking up.
If only I am a child, I'll think you are just in a far away land.
You are just having the best vacation.
You will come back to us and so we can hug you, talk to you, and be with you again.
But this is not a dream, this is reality.
The truth is you are gone and will never come back again. You are not in a vacation.
And the only possible way we see each other again is when I close my eyes and never open it again.
What if I see you in that place they call paradise, will you recognise me?
Will you still look at me the way you used to?
Will you look like the way I remember you?
Will you touch me?
Will you hug me?
Will you still remember me as your daughter?
Will I have you as my mother again?
What if I have a chance to be with you for another day, How will it go?
I don't have answers to these questions.
But my favorite part among all these what ifs is YOU, my mother.
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